This week my class has been writing about past tense. my story is about a shark that is trying to make friends. I liked imagining what it would be like to live like a shark. next time I would use more descriptive language.
- The main person me gary
- Bruce the whale
- gary trying to make friends
- No one liked gary
- Gary was friendly
- Gary didn't want to hurt anyone
- Gary just wanted some friends
- Gary made friends with Bruce and dory
One day I swam around the ocean, and everyone moved out of my way! Why? Because they were all scared of me.But what they did not know is i'm a friendly shark.When people were in the water i popped up wanting to play they all swam away.
I always dreamed of flying i went to sleep i flew through the wind as it was suffocating my face.I made friends with a whale his name was bruce i got along with his friends to he was huge.
Even when I went to get some food which was seaweed everyone swam away.When I was swimming to my house I saw this other shark named dory she didn’t swim away we went to play a game.
Hi Odin, I'm Zach a Year 5 from St Bernadette's School. I really enjoyed your story. It reminds me of a professional Junior book. Would you have put in more detail if you had more time? What would you put? You've made me think about the quote don't judge a book by it's cover. All the other fish were swimming away without knowing what Gary was like just because he was a shark. Was that the moral of the story. I think that your story was very cool and I am excited to hear more from you.
ReplyDeleteHey Odin, I really enjoyed your doc it is cool and it is amazing one thing you could work on is putting efford and punctution and make sure your spelling is correct next time you can tell me about sharks?
ReplyDeleteHey Odin, I really liked your Gary the shark writing im a fan of sharks and enjoy learning about them.Next time try extending the story to make it even more better anyways nice job!
ReplyDelete